In life, you will give a f*ck about many things but the key is to learn what to give a f*ck about for YOU. Understand what’s important to you and unimportant to you, and then reroute all your f*cks to the things and people that are important. -@tamekachristmas
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson will push you to reflect on the things you have been giving attention to that do not deserve your attention. We often create superficial values rooted in external fulfillment – money, cars, accomplishments, etc – instead of within. Your values and way of living must reflect beyond the external. Everything must actually flow from within – good healthy values are achieved internally. When we choose better values, we are able to reroute our fucks to something better – towards things that matter, things that improve the state of our well-being and generate happiness, pleasure, and success as side effects.
11 Lessons I learned from The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck:
1. Choose better values and a metric system that doesn’t push you to compare yourself and your journey to others.
Values underlie everything we are and do. Our values determine our problems which determine our quality of life. When we place value on status and materialistic things, we spend our time feeling like we are lacking something and feeling like there is always more as well as measuring what we have and accomplished against others. Healthy values are reality-based, controllable, and benefits others – being honest, vulnerable, standing up for oneself, respect, trust. They are values that you can control and does not depend on external factors.
2. Feel the whole realm of life.
In today’s world, we see a movement of positivity only that exist from the mainstream and all the way down to our family and friends. But the measure of life isn’t how good you feel all the time but also how you feel about the negative experiences and negative emotions in your life. In fact, screaming positivity only creates this illusion that life is always positive and continues to push you to deny your negative experiences. In fact, we learn so much from bad experiences and failure that pushes us forward daily and in life. Don’t deny yourself of all parts of you and experiences that could change your life.
3. Happiness is an action, merely an act of solving one’s own problems, not running from them.
Don’t run from negative experiences, pain, or struggle. The point isn’t to have a struggle-free life because you will struggle. The point is to understand what you will struggle for and what pain do you want. Happiness requires struggle.
The people who become amazing are amazing because they are obsessed with improvements. People who are great become great because they know they understand that they are not already great and that they could be so much better. It’s anti-entitlement. You accept growth and understand that life is an experience, a journey worth exploring and learning from.
5. You are responsible for your life.
No matter what type of hand you are dealt with, you are responsible for your life. It is your responsibility to manage the emotional and psychological fallout of your experiences. Once you accept responsibility for your life, you move from a victim to a visionary.
Accept and be comfortable with the unknown. The more you don’t know, the more you learn and grow.
7. Change your perception of things.
Action ->Inspiration-> Motivation
The simple mind-shift in this allows us to do something rather than being inspired and motivated first. If you find yourself stuck, just do something. All you need is the action to inspire the motivation to keep going. You become your own source of inspiration. You become your own source of motivation.
8. Create boundaries.
People with strong boundaries understand that it is unreasonable to expect two people to accommodate each other 100 percent of the time and fulfill every need the other has. Boundaries mean taking responsibility for your own values and problems and not take responsibility for anyone’s else values and problems.
9. Healthy relationships are built on values that are reality-based, benefit others, and controllable.
Healthy relationships are built on honesty, acknowledging and addressing your own problems, supporting each other, creating boundaries, and choosing to share, support, and love without obligation and entitlement. You are measuring your relationship against one’s own values vs comparing it to other relationships that exist.
10. Be committed.
Reject increase opportunities and alternative commitments because commitment gives you freedom and you are no longer distracted by what’s unimportant and frivolous. We have a tendency to want more all the time, but less is actually better. It requires you to focus on one thing, one person, one place and give it direct attention, watering, and growth.
11. Everything will end. Everyone will die.
Harsh reality but the truth. One thing for sure is death will happen, but not everyone will live. When we understand and accept our own morality, we now understand that there’s nothing to be afraid. Death reminds us to see something bigger than self and choose values that stretch beyond self.
Once we embrace our fears, the uncertainties of life, and even of our death; Once we stop running from and avoiding our problems and negative emotions; Once we start confronting painful truths- we gain the courage and confidence we… Click To Tweet
Have you read The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck? If so, drop some comments below! If not, grab your book here.